the october spread

it's time for the monthly round up, y'all!

this is patrick and he sits on my bar cart. his eyes glow btw.

it feels so nice to be writing the monthly newsletter! trust me, i did not meant to abandon it for as long as i have. life has simply gotten in the way. speaking of which, i think we’re due for some updates and trust me — there are many.

first and foremost, i am pregnant!

about 15 weeks with our baby boy to be exact by the time i’m posting this. the first trimester has been…something, but i’ve somehow managed to hold onto my creative energy despite being mostly hunched over the toilet and fighting migraines on the train into work. in all seriousness, we are so ecstatic about this chapter of our lives. we’ve received so much love and support over the last few weeks from friends and family and it’s made me so thankful for the community we have built around us.

motherhood has always felt intangible. like, this dream that’s always lingered at the edge of my vision, of my thoughts, daring me to touch it. i’m 31 and i still feel like a teen mom. i have moments of intense joy (picturing a tiny human stomping along the leaves beside me as we walk through the park) and intense fear (how will i inevitably give my child a complex about something), but i feel solid. god, i feel happy. not just because we’re having a baby, but because of the tremendous amount of work that i’ve put into myself to be mentally ready for this.

second, my content is changing! sort of. which is good news for this substack.

there are a few key reasons as to why this is.

for the last almost 2 years, i’ve been working hard to build a community up over on my youtube channel and we are now 5.5k strong! a number i never thought i’d see tbh (and still sort of freaks me out). however, as you can imagine from my first announcement, things are changing.

i will never not make videos — at least not in the foreseeable future (more on that at the end of this post). the comfort and community my videos have provided others has been one of the biggest joys of my life. i love being a facilitator for others and bringing in the those that feel “outside.” however, i do think my content will be changing. slightly. here’s how and why:

1. i am currently in my busiest season of work. annual galas, end of year fundraising initiatives — it’s a massive lift. one i have to prepare for all year. so i need to be able to focus on the job that pays the bills.

2. i need to focus on eden. at the end of the day i am a writer. i want to be a writer. i want to fold this into the fabric of my life until they are one and the same. making videos is a LOT of work. even though i love the growth and reading all your comments, i would much rather put my books into your hands. so i need to pull back on videos

3. babies require a lot of time. and effort. and energy. and money. so, yeah, gotta prioritize my family and be smart about how and what i’m creating.

4. i want to focus on content that keeps me writing and creating in meaningful ways. like this substack!

ok, with aaalllll those updates out of the way, let’s jump into the rest of the newsletter.

what i’m writing 👩🏻‍💻

eden’s progress can be summarized in one word: slow.

in many of the conversations i’ve been having with my friends that are also in the revisions trenches and for many of us it is slow goings. because october was so busy with work and travel, i haven’t been able to touch the draft in a meaningful way in a few weeks.

but i think the distance has actually been quite helpful! it’s allowed me to return to it in the final days of the month with a renewed sense of vigor. i understand now that the reason it’s taking me so long is because i am getting into the very nitty gritty of every conversation, making sure every interaction and moment of introspection has weight — i am doing so much heavy lifting that i trusted myself to do in draft three.

however, i don’t think i’ll be doing that in the future. i feel like i might put in a little bit more work solidifying plot beats, character dynamics, and interiority prior to jumping into a draft. though i have to caveat that so much exploration happens in the draft no matter how much planning you do. the draft, story, and characters will always end up taking on minds of their own but planning is always nice.

i’m also planning to rebuild some healthier writing habits in november to help set me up for success again.

tldr: i’m still revising chapter 8, and it’s taken me 4 weeks, but i know i’m doing a massive overhaul of the story structurally so i’m okay with it.

what i’m reading 📚

very lucky to have had some great reads this month!

Hungerstone by Kat Dunn | ⭐️⭐️⭐️.5

i bought hungerstone over the summer knowing that it would stew on my shelve until october. i planned to savor it, revel in it, let the gothic vibes seep into the crevices of my brain. it was creepy. it was sapphic. having read carmilla by sheridan le fanu earlier in the year, i was curious to read this reimagining.

that being said, i thoroughly enjoyed this book! i think it lacked a little bit near the end of act 2, as the main character ended up repeating herself and her situation multiple times which made getting to the end a bit of a slog after such a great midpoint buildup! if anyone has read this, would be so curious to your thoughts on the ending 👀

The Echo of Precious Things by D.M. Cabral | ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️

i had the pleasure of receiving an arc of diane’s debut novel and wow. not only does the world feel rich and lived in, the characters feel warm and lively. this was such a beautiful, heart-filled story and it left me salivating for more of diane’s writing.

the ghost writer’s club by CodyTheWriter | ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️

like hungerstone, i’ve had this one on my shelf for months, stockpiling it for the fall and it was so fun to read cody’s work! The story is quick and snappy and easy to digest in a day (which i did) and i was excited to finally have it in my hands. if you’re looking for a fun thriller, try the ghost writer’s club!

what i’m hoping to read next:

the inns of hopes and dreams by Andrea J. Severson | andrea has become such a close friend of mine and it is a CRIME that i haven’t read her work yet. this one calls to me the most.

the nightingale by kristin hannah | two of my coworkers have read this book and as a big fan of historical fiction, i’ve been wanting to tear into this book for a while.

local heavens by K. M. Fajardo / kris | i’ve been following kris for years and i am so so so excited to read her bi-squared cyberpunk gatsby reimagining.

saltcrop by yume kitasei | i’ve been wanting to read yume’s work for a while and as my next project is very sister-relationship-focused, this felt like a great read to have in my repertoire.

what i’m loving 💌

gameboy emulators for my phone!

i’ve been craving a bit of retro gaming for months. a few months ago i bought a bluetooth controller for my phone to be able to play genshin impact more regularly and discovered an app called delta for my phone! i found a few old school gameboy games that i used to be obsessed with and have been able to use my phone to play them. they’re very low stim games and i have been loving it.

seeing friends

holy moly this month has been choc full of travel, concerts, visits, writing dates, livestreams and more! while i am exhausted, my heart is also extremely full.

i’ve been trying to adopt this idea into my day to day that i’ve heard phrased two different ways: if you want a village, you have to be a villager or the price of community is inconvenience.

if i want people to love, care, and show up for me i need to show that same care and respect in return. it’s not like i haven’t been doing this, but it’s inspiring me to say “yes” more often. when i’m tired. when i feel like i have nothing left to give. when i would rather work on my creative projects. i’m trying to take advantage of the moments i have to see my loved ones.

time off camera

i feel…so guilty admitting this one but the break from the camera, from editing myself, and from worrying if i get the right shots or saying the right things has been so nice. i anticipated possibly taking an extended break from youtube even though i just announced in a recent video that i was “back and better than ever”, and to be honest i still don’t know how i feel 100%, but i’m trying not to be so all or nothing about everything — especially creative passions.

i’m trying to be better about giving myself grace when i miss a week (or two) of uploads, especially when i’m trying to prioritize my draft and i’m still active on other platforms like my instagram or this substack, but social media often feels like a hamster wheel. i’m also trying to be better about approaching things like youtube with an intuitive lens rather than putting out videos every week for the sake of putting out videos.

that said, i miss it if i’m away for too long so… 👀

i know this was such a long post but i had so much to update you all on! I really hope you enjoyed and let me know how your october was.

until the next one,

becca, xo